Great Moments in Bad Movies

In my mind, there has never been a movie that promised so much in its opening few minutes and delivered so little for the rest of its running time than Neil Jordan’s In Dreams. The film devolves into an unintentionally humorous thriller about a woman who is able to tap into the dreams and thoughts of a child killer. But for the first three minutes, it seems as though In Dreams could very easily be a masterpiece.

As water creeps down a dark hallway, a short introduction explains:

“In 1965 the town of Northfield was evacuated to create the Northfield Reservoir. Two billion gallons of water flooded the empty streets, obliterating all memory of the lives once lived there, leaving a drowned ghost town.”

Beneath the text, the deserted buildings of Northfield become submerged. Water crashes through a church window, darkness follows, and an ethereal blue void fills the screen.

A haunting choral melody (Elizabeth Fraser’s Dream Baby) starts to play as two lights from scuba divers slowly start to explore the present day underwater town.

As the song builds, the images become more and more darkly beautiful; lights passing over long forgotten place settings, divers swimming through graveyards, fish flying past church pews.

It’s a striking sequence founded on a brilliant visual concept. With this scene Neil Jordan instantly creates a macabre, otherworldly atmosphere that provides hints of the gruesome story to follow.

Unfortunately, the atmosphere is almost instantly destroyed by the following scene which has some very stilted dialogue between Annette Bening and her daughter. And the movie goes downhill from there…

But for three amazing minutes In Dreams creates an excitement that few films ever capture. Because of these moments, I sat through the rest of the movie forgiving horrible moments (frantic apple destruction) in the hope that Neil Jordan could reign in the wackiness and find an ending that matched the beginning. It doesn’t happen.

Once In Dreams reaches dry land tune out, but while its underwater enjoy.

Great Moments in Bad Movies

Superman III is a horrendous movie. I can’t think of too many ideas that have been worse than “Hey movie studio executive, let’s take Richard Pryor and team him up with the greatest superhero of all-time!” I blame the rampant eighties cocaine pandemic in Hollywood for that brainwave.

Now, Richard Lester, the director of Superman III, and the Superman series have had a troubled history. Brought on to replace Richard Donner during Superman II (even though Donner had shot a lot of the movie already), Lester infused the movie with one slapstick joke after another, often tossing them right into the middle of serious scenes.

Superman III takes the comedy to a painful new level, and our great scene is easy to overlook (mostly because you’re trying to read the credits at the same time).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUWRwqz4OQ4 – the first five minutes of this is the scene I’m talking about.

I’ll admit that I hated this sequence the first time I saw it; flat out hated it because it had no right being in a Superman movie. After the epic credit sequences of parts one and two, with John Williams’ great Superman theme song thumping away, why are we watching some forties’ slapstick scene with jaunty, wacky music?

In the context of a Superman movie it’s a terrible, terrible decision that hints at the inane movie that will follow. On its own however; it’s actually an ambitiously staged piece of silent comedy that works like a Rube Goldberg machine in order to re-introduce us to our hero.

A beautiful woman (one of the movie’s villains) walks down Main Street Metropolis and inadvertently proceeds to wreak havoc on the city folk as they turn to catch a look. As one little thing leads to another, Superman must casually try to put everything back together.

The scene is remarkably inventive (the photo booth gag is great) and expertly staged. While the rest of the movie is visually bland, in this scene Lester fills up the frame with multiple jokes, always making sure that his canvas is never too busy. While one joke is wrapping up in the background a new one begins in the foreground.

Also, unlike the bland action scenes that follow, there’s a rhythm and sense of pacing here. Ken Thorne’s score comes to life ever so briefly to provide a propulsive beat.

This scene is more alive than anything in this movie and you can feel the energy that was used to envision it and enact it.

Great Moments In Bad Movies

There are a handful of scenes in the Friday the Thirteenth series that are good, the boxing match in New York, the virtual reality scene in Jason X, ummmmmm…..okay there are two scenes in the Friday the Thirteenth series that are good, and one scene that is amazing.

Is it when Jason finds his mask?
Is it one of the many many deaths?
How about when they cut off Mrs. Vorhee’s head?

Nope! The most incredible scene in the Friday the Thirteenth series occurs in one of its worst movies, Friday the Thirteenth: The Final Chapter.

A group of horny teenagers are staying at a house in Jason stalking territory. They will soon be dead, but unfortunately for us, the audience, we have to get to know them before that happens. So, the inane banter begins and we’re introduced to your ragtag group of eighties teenagers – pretty girl, tough guy, and….hold on….is that George McFly?

That’s right, Crispin Glover shows up in one of his earliest film roles, as poor pathetic Jimmy. He never has any luck with the ladies and is hoping that this weekend will be his time to shine.

In order to woo said lady, Crispin goes for the gold in a scene that will inaugurate the Great Moments in Bad Movies column.

Crispin casually walks over to the stereo, and presses play. A pounding beat – a rhythmic thumping that can only lead to self-confidence – plays over the soundtrack. Using the music as his own personal relationship guru, Crispin walks over to the girl he has had his eye on all weekend. It’s one of those all or nothing walks. You can tell Crispin is on a mission, and you can almost sense him preparing his pick-up line as he begins his march.

He asks if she would care to dance.

Thankfully, for movie going audiences the world over, she says yes.

Crispin has a little thank you prayer to the almighty, and then unleashes the full fury of Jimmy. In twenty-five seconds the landscape of dance was forever altered. Fusing headbanging, the fluttering wingspan of an eagle, and the occasional paw scratch of a beagle, Crispin Glover creates the most awe-inspiring dance in film history.

When his friend turns off the music, Crispin rightly asks, “Why did you turn it off?”

While the clip at Youtube doesn’t show the response (and I don’t want to sit through the movie again to find it) I imagine the reply would be something like this…

“The world isn’t ready Crispin. The world isn’t ready.”

In exactly one minute Crispin Glover announced to that same world that he was an entirely different breed of actor.

I think Crispin Glover realized that he was in a terrible terrible terrible movie, and that the only way to come out of it alive, and with a future career, was to put his own stamp on the Friday the Thirteenth series. Sure the dance was risky, but by the time the movie is over, and everyone is dead, the only thing worth remembering was just how bizarre that moment truly was.

To see it in all its glory…..behold

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIMj_tYfzsc